bleak.

When I was little, I was told I could do anything when I grew up.
I had this same strong willed determination all through my childhood, my awkward phase, my teenage angst. I had laid out my goals in my mind, and I was damned if I wasnt going to acheive them. I had this determination up until about 12 hours ago.
My future looks so bleak.
Its like Im caught in quicksand and as hard as I gifht to live, it is futile.
I have so many dreams, but for every one I have, I have about 10 obstacles in my way.
College? Its essential..but where will these thousands of dollars come from?
I keep telling myself just two more years..but thats a long time to pent it all up. They say they care, but in the end, Im the scapegoat.

Fuck my life.

and still I hear them yearning..

Those you've known
Lost still walk behind you.
All alone, that linger till the find you.
Without them, the world grows dark around you.
And nothing is the same till you know they have found you.

They walk with my heart.

I'll never let them go.

Spring Awakening is haunting my mind.


Where is my mind? Maybe its with them, with reason, with logic.

Last night was murder mystery dinner theatre. I played a girl named Tattoo that hated life.
Its like I didnt have to act even..
I miss them so much.
There are few that must know the agonizing pain of coming out of the best childhood ever, a secure life, to one that grips the future with threatening suspense.
In my mind I live in a Utopia, without money and greed. Without hate and lies.
All it does is make the real world just look harsher.