Muse.

Life, as it seems, is getting more and more complex with each passing day.

With every sunrise, I find myself more and more distant to the innocent throws of childhood that I recall being not yet over only a few weeks ago. Instead, I feel like every morning my eyes open to a more cruel, pessimistic world that a child's eyes would sheild against.

Am I, dare to say it, growing up, or maturing?

I suppose that life has to has it's goodbyes eventually..or, atleast, thats what I keep telling myself. I just never thought at fifteen years old I would have to say goodbye to everything familiar to my adolesence, to my..my parents.

This is killing me inside. I am well aware of this, but I'm too optimistic to let this get to me.

Its like an epidemic coarsing through my viens, and I'm waiting for it to spread..

My inevitable homesickness isn't that bad, but sometimes a single image, a tiny trivial object will trigger the want to cry, the want for my mom. I didn't know I had such utter loathing, blunt and hateful animosity towards any of my emotions as I do now for my own guilt, my own deepening sadness that covers itself with my childish bliss. I can only imagine what this is doing to those around me.

I'm trying desperately not to be a burden, to be good about this..and I fear I've slipped up. I have to get through this. I must. I am Kelsey Fucking Hill. I am strong. I am afraid of nothing.

but in truth, i am terrified.

my muse is emotion, for I don't think I've ever been shocked to my very core by something so..unstable. I will make it out alive.

I have to look on the brightside.

I have friends, the most amazing boyfriend, and the all too rare possesions of a time when I wouldnt think so deeply and heartwrenchingly about all this.

I am breaking through the adult threshold, and only love is holding me back.